Hallo, guys! It's Andy!
First of all, I would like to say that I've been HIGHLY DEPRESSED for months due to this DA account and how I have been using it which means misbehaving with it which I totally regret of doing. As I thought about my past behavior, I realized the error of my ways and I'm really sorry for all of those whom I wronged by adding offensive comments and stuff, if there are any because I don't remember what I have said for the past 5 years, but none of what I said were meant any harm. I just can't stop thinking about it and I want to die most of the time and suicidal thoughts have been going on in my head head for that reason. There's another reason for it, but I'll be coming for that later.
Right now, I will explain what updates DA should do so some of us, me at least, can feel better about it:
1) There should be a search engine in each of DA accounts that would allow DA users to search their own comments so they can hide them or preferably remove them.
2) There should be an option that allows comments to be removed rather than "hiding" them which totally sucks because no one wants to keep the comments, if they cause people to have bad memories, depression and all the other negative thoughts.
These are what I would like DA to update and I have seen some of the people adding a request about the comments removing capability, but so far, the staff of DA hasn't done a job about it. I personally would wish that DA would stop functioning, if they don't do something about it.
And finally, I would like to share some of myself and it is something I am ashamed of what I was born with although I'm not guilty of it. It's just something I was bullied for as a child and I fear that by telling you about it, you wouldn't understand it even today which is why what I'm about to tell is what I was keeping from people bottled up inside. The reason why I'm telling you about this is because I've got a feeling that my past misbehavior have given people false impressions about me which is something I DO NOT WISH to happen and I would SERIOUSLY hope that by telling you about my secret, you and other people will understand me better.
You see, I was born with SLI, the Spesicific language impairment. It's what affects my social behavior of whom I talk, what I say and how I say. I don't always know whom I talk, what I say or how I say, I don't always know what I say to offend people, but I don't mean any bad or harm. It can happen against my own will. If there are any of bad stuff that I have said through comments on people's artworks, notes, people's accounts or somewhere on DA, I would only do those to fit in the group because some of the users are or might be vulgar by behavior, and other reasons but they were never meant to be bad. I didn't have any bad intention(s) in doing or saying what I have said. I may have expressed of liking some of artworks by saying something that shouldn't be said (even as a joke) (although I don't remember doing/saying that on someone's artworks, at least not much, but it's a possibility that happened) be it through comments or notes and be it about somebody (or to somebody) or something else because you never know who you are talking to always. I don't always know whether I say do or say something wrong till it's too late. Yeah, it may take awhile to realize the errors of my ways, but when I do, I will apologize to people as possible. Anyway, that's the worst part about SLI and I will apologize to anybody whom I wronged with behaviors like that. I'm so sorry about that!
You can read all about the SLI on Wikipedia, if you like:
If there's something that I've learned about all this is that if you try to be someone else, it may or will cause you problems. Just be yourself.
Anyhow, the reason why I brought this all up is because what I've seen on DA and Youtube is that some or most of the people that I've seen are or seem to be unforgiving and unreasonable about other peoples mistakes (whether they are small or huge ones) and weaknesses. They don't forgive people for their trespasses, violations, misconducts or offenses of any kind no matter how much remorse they would show, no matter how sorry they would be and they would wish bad things happening to them, I have read sick comments about that such as, death threats, wishing death on people, threats to cut peoples arms off and stuff like that. Those are very sick and barbaric comments to make! Some people do have such unforgiving attitudes and behaviors and send sick comments about that, but most of them I've seen doing are done by Americans on DA and Youtube. I'm sorry for all Americans who got offended by what I just said, no intention whatsoever. I just said this based on what I've seen and heard. Anyway, I get so much angry and depressed about peoples hypocritical behavior, like they are all perfect and they are in positions to judge and make all sick comments and threats like that, like they have perfect record and have never done anything wrong in their lives regardless of seriousness of those. I'm very depressed and sick of the fact that whenever people make mistakes or any wrongdoings (whether they are small or huge ones), the other people don't/won't forgive them nor do they want to settle them out and wish bad things happening to them (they might actually commit those (and it hasn't have to be a crime to do that)) no matter how sorry they are, no matter how much remorse they would show. They say people get a second chance in their lives, but the practice is very different, mostly in America based on what I've seen and heard, but other people are like that in other countries as well, even in my country. Again, I'm sorry, if I disrespect your country, no intention to whatsoever. Again, I just said this based on what I've seen and heard. Anyway, I think that's the bottom line to all my negative thoughts.
Anyhow, now that I've said all this, before I end this journal, it's time to ask you some questions:
As I said earlier in this journal, I've been HIGHLY DEPRESSED and SUICIDAL for months due to how I have been using my account and I told you why and again, I'm very sorry for my bad actions, but there's nothing I can do to change the past of what has happened and I could only hide the comments on DA and I hope the staff of DA will do something to add that option where you can actually remove your comments. Anyway, this account of mine, although I have achieved so much with it, it also has left me some bad memories, so what I was thinking of doing is to remove all my works on DA and deactivate my account next year as soon as my core membership of this account expires, that's unless I get over my problems by that time, because I'm not going to go through all my favorites list to see whether I have made bad comments, any bad comments at all, on each drawings on my favorites as I have been recently. Do you think that's necessary? That's the first question out of others and I would like to hear the reason for your answers as well.
Question 2. Do you think I should deactivate my account and create a new one due to the mistakes I've made and how I have been misbehaving with my account and I totally regret any of it? If I deactivate my account, all my achievement with it will be lost.
Question 3. Do you really wish I was dead or any bad things happening to me due to my mistakes and misbehavior on DA that I have made? I often wish to be dead.
Question 4. What is it you want me to do?
Question 5. How do you see me as (now)?
I really hope this message will open up your hearts and the hearts of anybody who reads this journal and sees that I'm not a bad person due to all the mistakes and misbehavior that I made. And again, to all who is reading this journal and to all whom I've wronged, I'm sorry for all those whom I wronged anyhow.
I wish you have a good one and a great life.